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Why Men in the Middle East Need to Dress Sharper

This post will probably be more random and all over the place than the previous one, so you might find yourself losing brain cells during the process of reading through it. If you value your IQ and don’t want to dip into the low two digit category, then steer clear, otherwise…

I got roped into a heated discussion the other day with someone over how volatile the Middle East still is, even in the wake of a great summer. He said he couldn’t fathom how, to this day, the people there are still so angry and prejudiced against westerners and anyone else who fits the bill of “infidel”. He basically went on a long diatribe about how they’re so predisposed to violence and terrorism due to their radical religious beliefs. I respectfully disagreed, telling him that the nature of their discontent can be simply attributed to the lack of one particular item we have in abundance elsewhere:

We're coming to kill you, but don't worry because we're doing it in style.

Don’t worry, we’re coming to kill you in style

That’s right–flashy, stylish dress suits. Consider this, what type of attire do most men in the Middle East wear? That’s easy:

Be honest. It's the glasses, isn't it? Is that why I'm not hip?

Be honest. It’s the glasses, isn’t it? That’s what’s keeping the ladies away.

Seriously, put yourself in their shoes for a second. How are you not supposed to be angry when you’re wearing the above and you see your western counterparts wearing classy two piece attire? Can you imagine going to a club dressed like that? How many quick rejections would it take to set a club record? A world record? Even Neil Strauss (author of ‘The Game’, the famous book on how to pick up women) would strike out dressed like that. In fact, he’d probably cause people to set their own eyes on fire in order to spare further visual scarring. First of all, there’s no color uniformity, and the whole garish pink head-cloth ¬†complemented by a rather unfashionable black headband just screams “sexually confused” or “my parents beat me as a child”. These men are sexually repressed because they simply can’t get any dressed like that. But now imagine if they ditched the white robes and color challenged head-clothes for some dark two piece Armani or Gucci sets. Now we’d be talking.

In the movie ‘The Family Man’, Nicolas Cage said during one scene while trying on a suit at the store. “Wearing this suit actually makes me feel like a better person.” Truer words have never been spoken, especially coming from such an esteemed individual who’s made hits like ‘Bangkok Dangerous’ and ‘The Wicker Man’. How can you not take him seriously, especially with that hair?

Rogaine gone horribly wrong

Rogaine gone horribly wrong

Take it from Nic–if a suit can make a man better, then surely it can make him less likely to want to commit harm on another soul. After all, it’s obvious the main thing driving these extremists towards committing numerous acts of terrorism is rampant jealousy and envy. So in conclusion, I suggest that instead of retaliatory strikes, covert operations, and trillion dollar wars, we simply parachute down large boxes of the latest fashionable apparel courtesy of Mr. Giorgio Armani or Guccio Gucci and let the aesthetics do the talking. After all, if these extremists end up walking around and looking good while getting compliments along the way, perhaps they’ll feel less inclined to strap on a bomb, especially when you’re talking about wasting a fine $5000 suit in the process. Now that would just be a shame.

End rant.

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About pendrum

A paradox of eccentricity, graveness and apathy. Mix well, shake and serve hot.

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