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2014: A Repository for Fresh Beginnings

So, like, yeah…

Where do I start? How about the fact that I’m in agonizing pain thanks to surgery I just had performed to repair a hernia near my left nut. That’s right, my left nut. Know what that means? No sex. No masturbation. No porn. No thinking about naked woman and getting aroused, period. Nothing. So this is what priests and nuns feel like. Must explain this picture:

Considering his profession, technically it's an oxymoron.

Considering his profession, technically it’s an oxymoron.

And this:

Because sometimes even God's graceful touch isn't enough.

Because sometimes even God’s graceful touch isn’t enough.

I’m never taking my abs for granted again. Those bad boys are like a steroid fueled Lance Armstrong circa 1999-2005: they’re tireless and they just keep going and going.

On another note, writing… Yeah… With me restricted to the confines of my bed for the next several weeks or so, I figure now’s a good time as any to finish that great second novel I’ve been working on since, like, 1965. I vow to get it done. I have to. No excuses. I just gotta finish watching this movie I’m halfway through first…

State of the personal union.

State of the personal union.

Speaking of movies, I saw ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’ recently. All I’ve gotta say is that I have to up the ante for my next humor novel… and I gotta get rich doing so because I’m clearly missing out. I’ll pass on the drugs, though. Something about having to roll down a set of stairs in order to get to my car since I’ve become physically incapable of walking after having OD’ed on some expired barbiturates doesn’t exactly scream “dignified” does it?

Sadly, this is very reminiscent of me in bed right now.

Sadly, this is very reminiscent of me in bed right now.

I’m done blogging right now. My nuts are screaming from the burning pain and I have to go pee. Damn you, diuretics.


About pendrum

A paradox of eccentricity, graveness and apathy. Mix well, shake and serve hot.

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